The breaking point
The pandemic took a toll on most, if not all, of us. Over a short period, I’ve witnessed a lot of events I didn’t imagine happening in my lifetime. Seeing the economy crash and businesses close down, witnessing how the prices of commodities skyrocketed, having a relative pass away without being capable to see him, and the deterioration of the mental health of most of us. Heck, it was crazy.
Personally, there came a point during last year that I thought of cutting down our employees by more than half to keep the company afloat for the year. The pandemic was new to me, how should I react? I wasn’t sure. I felt anxious but I had no one to pour my emotions because I know a lot of people are also going through something somehow. I try to listen to people, but every day, I felt the heavy weight on my shoulders. In the end, we decided to still keep everyone but to do this, my business partner and I had to stop our salaries for the whole year and cut the lease with our Ortigas CBD office because it was causing us to bleed unnecessary funds.
It was too emotional for me. To slowly pack up the office we’ve built from scratch is one of the greatest pain of my life. The office felt like our baby. I tried to appear normal, I even actively participated in different charities to keep myself busy, but the truth is I was depressed and exhausted. Yeah, it was too much. One day, I just woke up, took my dog, and decided to pack my bags and leave for Baguio.
A point of privilege
I know for a fact that being able to go away during this pandemic is a privilege not everyone can do. That’s why I try as much as possible not to post anything about this escape publicly but I decided to write now because of three things:
- 1. When I grow older, I want to remind myself of why I made this decision.
- 2. I want to track the first of the many months I’ll be staying here in Baguio.
- 3. I want others to read my story and somehow inspire them to do something for themselves.
Deciding to go up to Baguio and stay here for a few months is not a decision I made without considering a lot of factors. The closing of our main office played a big role in my decision of staying here. It wasn’t so bad after all. Because of the pandemic, I’ve been able to work remotely. Client meetings and internal correspondence have become online. While it’s tiring to do consecutive voice and video calls, having the privilege of working in a relaxed area made me more productive than ever.
I wake up early, walk my dog with a face mask on, brew my morning coffee, cook my lunch using fresh meat and vegetables, manage my business, read a book, drink more coffee, and sleep earlier than before.
Being thankful despite the shit that is COVID-19
I’m lucky to be where I am right now despite everything. Most had it worse than me. I’m thankful to my family for being supportive of my decision. I’m thankful for my friends – old and new – for giving me strength whether they know it or not. I’m thankful for my company striving strong. I also thank the universe that my immediate family is okay. To all those who have lost someone because of the pandemic, I can only imagine the pain you’re going through. I’m sorry for your loss, take all the time you need to heal but please, don’t forget yourself. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about my escape, it’s about loving myself better. As my yogi said earlier in her class, thank yourself for giving yourself time for your own.
Choose yourself. Pandemic or none, life is always going to be an uphill battle, but remember to choose yourself. Fill your cup until it overflows and let the spill be what you give to others. It doesn’t have to be a big cup. Do what makes you feel better because you need it and you’ll never know what’s going to happen next. Just try to make sure you find your inner peace without harming others. It might doesn’t have to be as drastic as mine, but look for your burden and try to unload it.
It’s been a month since I drove to Baguio without a person with me. I might be alone, but I don’t feel that lonely. Maybe because I’m not really alone. My dog, Yakult, is with me. With that, I found peace. I hope you do, too.
